"It's war inside my head, if I take day off I'll be dead"...quoting Dave Mustaine's Sweating Bullets track

[Jamie Fenton]

That should set the tone for the opening to this blog...related to fitness...not really, related to cleaning out your mind...absolutely!

As most of you know, I have been busy driving across Canada all summer long, in fact, it's been one heck of a busy year to be honest. I have had very little time to compose a sentence, let alone any sort of structured mindless rants that everyone seems to enjoy. The end result of not writing more frequently, you guessed it, a cluster ^*@! of stuff to try and translate and put into words, it's a mess in my head, so try to follow along and see how badly you want to correct my grammar and structure afterwards....lol :o)

So, this summer I had planned on doing all kinds of things to better myself and lift my spirits. For starters, I wanted to spend a little more time around my family and friends, however, this was not to be the case.
I also wanted to get to my families cottage at least for a week so I could detoxify from the daily grind, again, I missed that goal. I told myself I would drop weight and get fit.... that was a joke.. but I did lose a few pounds and I am over the 7 month mark now I think for not smoking, so there's a plus! I convinced myself I would ride my chopper alot as well, however, due to my poor maintence and lack of time, that didn't pan out the way I wanted it to.

All things aside, I worked my ass off all summer, I did get the odd time to cut loose, but it always meant I had to work again right after. Trust me, I am not complaining about working so much.. I know that in today's economy, I am a fortunate person, I have steady employment. The down side, and yes there is a down side, I again feel as though I missed out on summer life. I missed hanging out with my friends and family, I missed getting that chance to head out and do some much needed canoeing like I have been promising myself I would do for years now. I am tired, yes, no doubt in my mind I am tired, but a man NEEDS to work, a man, NEEDS to feel useful, a man NEEDS to feel like a provider...well, I speak for myself anyways...but I think most men would agree.

So as my summer closes, and I have now been on the road on this trip for 12 days and no sign of cattle moving east anytime soon, I want to share something with you. I know most of you who enjoy reading what I have to say will love this.... I am loving my life!! The way things have unfolded for me so far this year, has been almost unreal, like I never could have seen things being the way they are.
I mean, I get up everyday and smile, weird...I know, and I also really enjoy writing, knowing that people are sharing in it, taking from it what they will and smiling back at me. I love making the readers, you guys and girls, my friends and family, smile. I take great pleasure knowing someone somewhere is either laughing their ass off at me or with me.

This magazine and website Amanda Lynn has put together, has given me a platform to share my life with all of you, and I am thankful everyday. I know it sounds all sappy and stuff, but suck it up buttercup, this is who I am...lmao!!

Seems like no matter what my summer lacked this year, it still feels somewhat fulfilling, I feel greatful to have been able to be out across our great country, sharing and laughing in numerous cities and taking in some amazing scenery. This job strips me of a home life, literally. I have maybe been home for a total of 3 weeks all summer, which to me is not very much. Take for example, most of you people enjoy the comfort of your own bed nightly, go to sleep with and wake up next to the same face. Most of you also get weekends off and probably even enjoyed a vaction for a week or two in there as well. My summer has included mostly short home visits of 36 hours on average, and the odd time I had 3 days at home. So, yeah, I get a little home sick, I miss having that life you know? Don't feel sorry for me though, I chose this life in order to balance myself back out, and thus far its worked out perfectly.

I took the time tonight to try and organize this blog, and make somewhat easier to follow than most of my mindless rants. Not too bad so far huh? LoL :o)

So, I am sitting here in Brandon, Manitoba, frustrated all to hell about sitting for so long with no work to do. See, here's the thing about this job, sometimes it ends up costing me money to be out here, like right now, I am barely making enough money daily to cover my meals for the day. The company has kept me busy all year round, this is the deadest it has been all year for me, but why am I pissy about it? Well, I could be back in Ontario, at home, doing things I WANT TO DO...lol. I would much rather be home making nothing financially and seeing people I want to see, rather than be stuck out here wasting money I haven't made yet.
Work rant over..lol

So what else can I talk about while I feel really literate? Let's try a smidgen of religion...ooo000ooo000ooo I said the 'R' word. :o)

Anyone that knows me, and really knows me, knows that I am the furthest thing from a religious person. I am not about to start defending nor condemming anyone's beliefs, I say, to each their own, just don't stand on my doorstep and tell me something I don't really believe.

However, lately, something is changing in me, I can't say it's a religous change, but I find myself looking for answers in places I would not normally look. I have a brother in severe pain everyday, I have a mother who is hurting alot lately, I have two other brothers I don't see very often that are not very healthy either. It seems as though lately, everyone around me is either injured or falling ill. If thats not the case, then I find some of my friends are hitting rough spots in their lives, I see a lot of people feeling down, and this saddens me, like I want to make everyone laugh and smile and enjoy life. Sometimes though, I know it's beyond my help, and I need to remember that people need to experience the lows before they can truly appreciate the highs.

To those of you feeling down, ill or sad, please know that the good times are coming, that the loss is a lesson in what to love, that time heals all wounds, and that you are never alone. I speak of alone, because I too feel alone a lot out here, but it just takes me a few minutes to control my thoughts and stop to realize that I have every one of you out there who I call my friends and family. Please lean on those near you if you feel alone or down, don't be too proud to ask for help, and always know that someone is there for you too.

Back to finding answers.... sorry about that, spur of the moment runaway thought...lol

Like I was saying, I have been asking for help for others at night, a prayer so to speak. I don't believe that I am speaking to anyone other than my father who is somewhere on the other side keeping a close eye over my family and myself. I have friends there too, who I feel around me most days....ok sounds wierd, but everyone believes in something, none of us have to believe in the same thing, just merely respect the fact that we all want a happy ending, we all want to know that someone has our back, we all need to believe in something, otherwise, what the hell are we all living for? Just to pay bills and die with the most toys? I think not, I think we all want acceptance and love...and we will each find it in our own time and in our own way.

Thats about all the structure I have left in me for tonight my friends...be well, and never forget to stop and just breath, take in the air, taste the life you live, its the only life you have right now...

Peace and Ride On..!!
Jamie