When do you really feel at your best?

[Jamie Fenton]

I have been thinking about this a little bit lately, and to be honest, I have days like most everyone else does, I have those days where I just feel like I don't have a best. With me its more like a constant smooth line on a graph with the odd spike in activity.

Today I am trucking along and suddenly I just feel like everything I do is making sense. I know, most of you think that I am always on top of things, but in reality, I am a huge slacker..I am my own worst critic and enemy, I can tear myself down faster than anyone ever could, but, thats also an advantage for me. You see, when I start busting my own chops about my appearance, behaviour, know it all attitude, I remind myself that I don't always have to FIT in, or be the center of attention. I need only take notice of my life and when I am least pleased with certain things its because I created the situation or feeling. I have taken a chunk of my life and just released it to the hands of fate, whatever will be will be, and the only thing I can control is me, even if that is a lil tricky somedays. So when I finally give myself a break like I am now, I notice something, it feels good to know that I can't control it all, it's beyond me, and, it feels like it makes sense to me. The whole non smoking thing, I chose to quit, its up to me to keep it away. My health with MS, not my choice, beyond my control, but, it will never bring me down again. I may not control the disease, but I can control my attitude about it.

I feel as though this summer, I have made many improvements, I mean, I have found and even bigger reason to smile than I usually have. I see things differently, I see so much good coming and it's about time. For a very long time I sat a dwelled and was quite negative, and lately, everything is as it should be. I feel every step I take is one step closer to self awareness and an inner discovery. I know I have bad days coming and I will not let them get to me anymore, and here's why; no matter how bad I think I have it somedays, someone somewhere else has it far worse than I do.

I am thankful for everyday I can open my eyes, breath frsh air, use clean water to rid myself of the days grime...shit, just about any reason you can think of makes me feel so good to be alive today and smiling at life. Remember my friends, no matter what, you have a great reason to smile, look at your friends, your family, and realize, life is beautiful, if you just tilt yer head a lil bit and see past the clouds.

If by some chance my rant falls into the "WTF?" catagory, so be it right? It's the whole point about writing, sometimes it doesn't need to make sense to really make sense..ya get me?...lol :)

Have a great day
Peace and ride on
Jamie